obessions and changes.

i just returned from sponsoring senior high school camp a few days ago. it was a blast. i know going into the camp week that it's mostly about the students, but many times i find myself coming out with a lot more than i expected.

the theme was obsessed. i thought about the things in my life that i'm obsessed about. and thinking about things that i need to give up. sometimes we need to give up things we love to further grow closer to God.

i'm going to try and give up reading novels so much and spend more time reading my bible and literature that may help me with my walk with God. my walk with God has been rather nonexistent for awhile and i know it needs to change. i think sometimes i take advantage of God. i have no doubt that He is with me but i push Him aside and choose to do other things than spend time with Him. instead i need to embrace Him and spend time with Him everyday.

i'm also going to get rid of a lot of stuff. i just have let my life be consumed with stuff that i don't even need. so i'm going to get it out of my life. it's just holding me back and is being a distraction. i don't feel like there's anything wrong with having stuff or reading a lot but moderation is better. these things fill up our life and distract us from our being with our Maker. if it's getting in the way, then there's a problem. 

another thing that i think is going to happen is going back to bible college. i was thinking about how many things with my schooling at WNCC hasn't been working out lately and my last year didn't go too well and i feel that's a "hello abby I don't want you to be doing this, please listen to Me." i have always had a desire to go overseas and i have never really answered that desire. if everything works out i think i'm going to work this next semester and save up to go away to school. i know i can get a good education here but i feel like there are too many distractions and just need to get away from here for awhile. i'm looking into NCC but still not sure. but omaha is a great location for me. i know people there and i have family there and i somewhat know where things are. so we'll see where i end up after this next semester.

patience

there are a lot of things i would like to have in my life...

i want a house with a library, a fireplace, a wine cellar, that is full of antiques.
i want a husband.
i want children.
i want to finish my degree asap.
i want to live a simple life.

these are all WANTS. but what do i really NEED?

i need a stronger relationship with God.
i need a closer relationship with my family.
i need people and things in my life that build me up, not bring me down.

without these needs in my life how will i get the wants i would like to have?

but really are any of those wants that necessary for me to survive? possibly my degree but the rest of them, does it really matter? even if i don't get those things, will i still be happy?

i'd like to think that i would be. but i'm still not sure.

i know God will give me the desires of my heart. but i can't help but ask, when?

i may want these things now, but i know it's in God's hands and not my own. He will help me get to these places in His time.

i just need to keep focused on Him and He will be there through everything.

i know He loves me and wants what's best for me and i need to keep trusting in Him.

i need...

patience.

"wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." psalm 27:14

"delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart." psalm 37:4

Prayer...

I just wanted to ask all of you out there...if anyone even reads this...for prayer for my family. My dad is going in to get his radiation seeds put in on Thursday and he isn't too excited for it. But it needs to be done. He's going to start radiation at the beginning of November. He will do external treatments for 25 days and then they will do internal treatments. Its just a real different experience for our family to go through together. We are strong and have God on our side but a little extra help doesn't hurt.

Also, I'm in the process of moving back into my parents house and I'm trying to get it done this week before my dad starts treatment and won't really be able to help much with fixing up the basement since he's the one who wanted to fix it up so I could move back in. So I guess just prayers that we can get it done this week.

What's Next...

I have been thinking a lot lately about what I'm going to do when I finish school, which isn't for awhile for me, but still I can't help but wonder what will be next. I want to move to a bigger area but not too big and even though I love Nebraska, I'd like to move out of state.

One desire I have is to teach in inner-city schools. And I was thinking where exactly would I do that. I was thinking about the places I have been and places I want to go. One place that I love is Pennsylvania. I was only there briefly once after high school and once for a connecting flight. Even though my time there was brief I loved it. I was in Philly. But the place I want to go is Pittsburgh. I just can't stop researching and thinking about this place. I researched schools (inner-city and public), places to live, things to do and churches.

So I don't know if that's a place where God would want me but I know if I would go there He would be with me every bit of the way. And I think if it's some place I shouldn't be then by the time graduation rolls around maybe that desire will be out of my heart. But for right now it burns on.

"Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

It's Been a LONG while...

I realized it has been a while since I have posted something on here.

Well I have been super busy and dealing with a few things in my life lately.

I start job number 3 tomorrow, well the training part of it. I'm doing the mentor program through Panhandle Mental Health. It should be a great job and hopefully it will give me some good experience for when I want to work in inner city schools. It should really help me understand what some families go through.

I've been busy with my other 2 jobs and school. I'm ready for Christmas break already!

I just go back from a Hanson concert yesterday. I had been waiting 13 years to see them!!! And they did not disappoint me!!! I think I love them even more!!!!!!!! Woohoo!!!!

I leave for New York City on Thursday with Kayla and Steph. We are just going to go have some fun! I'm so excited!!! It should be a super great time!!!

Another thing that has happened in the last few months is that my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer. I think it is really changing the way I look at like and the way my family is together now. I know that we are going to get through this. And my dad will be alright. We have God on our side and we know that whatever happens it's in His plan for us. Great thing is prostate cancer is really easy to take care of! He had a hormone shot about a month ago and will start radiation in a few more weeks. I know my family and I would really appreciate prayers for my dad and us while going through all of this.

I'll try and remember I even have a blog account and try to keep up!!!

what am i afraid of???

today in church marshall spoke on daniel 3...he talked about shadrach, meshach and abednego...i had a part in the chapter underlined and it got me thinking...the part i had underlined was in verse 18, "but even if he does not." they were telling nebuchadnezzar that if he threw them in the fire that God would help them and even if God didn't help them they would still not bow and worship other gods or the image of nebuchadnzzar...they had no fear...they would go "even if he does not" help them through this trial...

it reminded me of jonathan in 1 samuael 14...when jonathan says, "perhap the Lord will act on our behalf." (vs 6c)...jonathan was going out to face the philistines with his armorbearer and one sword...they had no fear to go out into battle with only one sword...in their first attack they killed about 20 men...

in both of these stories these men had such courage...they knew what they needed to do and they did it...even if God wasn't going to help them...they knew that if it was in His will that they would be ok...they would get through their obsticle...

this got me to thinking...what am i afraid of??? i'm always so scared to get out of y comfort zone...there are so many things i could be doing with my free time to further the kingdom of God and just help people around me...but do i take the opportunitis to do these things? not usually...i'm so comfortable in my life that i don't like to do things that are outside of it...i'm scared...but if God's on my side what is there that i should be afraid of? nothing...He's there to hold my hand...He can take my fears away...

"for God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." -2 timothy 1:7

"the Lord is wih me; i will not be afraid. what can man do to me?" -psalm 118:6

life's a hockey game...

some of you may not know of my love for hockey...i LOVE it!!! with the stanley cup finals coming nearer i've been watching and keeping up with it...(my penguins are going to go ALL THE WAY!!!) but this blog just isn't to inform you about my love for hockey but to tell you about something i was thinking about while i was watching a game a week ago...

life's a hockey game...

i am skating as hard as i can to reach my goal...put the puck in the net...and there are obstacles in my way...really big guys...they will do anything to keep me from making my shot...they will shove me...push me...knock me off my feet...run me into the wall..and beat me in the face when they get the chance...even when i feel like i can't go on...i need to keep going for my goal...and in hockey the big goal is the stanley cup...

while i'm playing in this hockey game we call life...all my temptations and weaknesses are there...knocking me down...preventing me from getting to my goal...Jesus Christ...my goal is to be as on fire and close to Him as i can be...every time i get knocked down by all those sins that control my life...He's there...He's my captain...He's always there in my game to help me and keep me on track...

even if you don't enjoy hockey...think about the next time you get knocked off your path with God and think of a big guy covered with huge hockey pads hitting you full force off your track to the net...

"i press on towards the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." -philippians 3:14

"i have fought the good fight, i have finished the race, i have kept the faith." -2 timothy 4:7