obessions and changes.

i just returned from sponsoring senior high school camp a few days ago. it was a blast. i know going into the camp week that it's mostly about the students, but many times i find myself coming out with a lot more than i expected.

the theme was obsessed. i thought about the things in my life that i'm obsessed about. and thinking about things that i need to give up. sometimes we need to give up things we love to further grow closer to God.

i'm going to try and give up reading novels so much and spend more time reading my bible and literature that may help me with my walk with God. my walk with God has been rather nonexistent for awhile and i know it needs to change. i think sometimes i take advantage of God. i have no doubt that He is with me but i push Him aside and choose to do other things than spend time with Him. instead i need to embrace Him and spend time with Him everyday.

i'm also going to get rid of a lot of stuff. i just have let my life be consumed with stuff that i don't even need. so i'm going to get it out of my life. it's just holding me back and is being a distraction. i don't feel like there's anything wrong with having stuff or reading a lot but moderation is better. these things fill up our life and distract us from our being with our Maker. if it's getting in the way, then there's a problem. 

another thing that i think is going to happen is going back to bible college. i was thinking about how many things with my schooling at WNCC hasn't been working out lately and my last year didn't go too well and i feel that's a "hello abby I don't want you to be doing this, please listen to Me." i have always had a desire to go overseas and i have never really answered that desire. if everything works out i think i'm going to work this next semester and save up to go away to school. i know i can get a good education here but i feel like there are too many distractions and just need to get away from here for awhile. i'm looking into NCC but still not sure. but omaha is a great location for me. i know people there and i have family there and i somewhat know where things are. so we'll see where i end up after this next semester.

patience

there are a lot of things i would like to have in my life...

i want a house with a library, a fireplace, a wine cellar, that is full of antiques.
i want a husband.
i want children.
i want to finish my degree asap.
i want to live a simple life.

these are all WANTS. but what do i really NEED?

i need a stronger relationship with God.
i need a closer relationship with my family.
i need people and things in my life that build me up, not bring me down.

without these needs in my life how will i get the wants i would like to have?

but really are any of those wants that necessary for me to survive? possibly my degree but the rest of them, does it really matter? even if i don't get those things, will i still be happy?

i'd like to think that i would be. but i'm still not sure.

i know God will give me the desires of my heart. but i can't help but ask, when?

i may want these things now, but i know it's in God's hands and not my own. He will help me get to these places in His time.

i just need to keep focused on Him and He will be there through everything.

i know He loves me and wants what's best for me and i need to keep trusting in Him.

i need...

patience.

"wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." psalm 27:14

"delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart." psalm 37:4